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24 April 2016 @ 04:04 am

I was homeless for a few weeks. Homeless; LOL Arent we "apartmentless"? Home ownership is a long way from the shelter. I kept a journal. Wrote about my 'roomies'. So amazing. Some held a sense of despar that even their god couldnt remove. One dude tried to hang himself. He wasnt good at it or he wouldnt have returned to tell about it. That was the way of life there. Hopelessness.
I resorted to begging. not for smokes or money. For a place to stay. I did sexual favs for it too. Hell, Dee was 63 years old.

I'll admit it: I screwed up. I wouldnt stop drinking. After burying Dad and Aunt and Grandma all in one year; I broke, I didnt feel anything  when I was stoned. I didnt want to. Lived in a few towns and kept getting accused of different things "Steve! I know you stole that 300 bucks (that I DIDNT) or "Steve, you are gonna steal frome me, Steve!!!" "I worry about you, Steve." "Did you drink or drug today, Steve?"

My fam wants nothing to do with me and....fuck them. When they needed "Steve", "Steve" was there. BRB

Ok, back. One of my roomies cant sleep. "You ok, Steve?" Ugh. That damn name again! I couldnt sleep either (side note: watching Batman V Superman last night was a waste of time better spent jumping off a bridge). Model; 21 years old; half naked: a CHILD.

I'm asexual now. Told my counsellor so. Yes, I look. Just...look. Me. "Steve". Me the biggest flirt everz. "Steven, (I hate being called that even more than Steve) you have to decide what you want" "What is it you want?"


It's what everyone wants.

If whatever form it takes.

Love from a SO, a child, awesome onion rings....

Annnnd....I get lonely.....BRB

Cat tossed a furball. LOL Where was I? Ah... lonely. It doesnt happen as often as it should. It's like laying there drowning and then comes the self-loathing. "You deserve this Steven".
Ok on to my point. Now that dad and grandma have passed on, I am not welcome as a Zabel anymore. Annnd I always said I would change my name once they were gone. I do and have always hate my name. 'Steve' "Steven". Hate it. I will pick my own. I looked up what I have to do and how much it will cost.

I know what my new name will be, but for shity giggles, what would you recomend? Francis McHousenstein? LOL

location: Among friends
mood: depresseddepressed
music: amything but Prince
10 June 2013 @ 11:42 pm

When my ex was preggers, I didnt care if it was a boy or girl. I really didnt. He was a girl though and I couldnt be happier. He didnt like sports (like me), he didnt like roughhousing (like me), he wasnt very creative (.....ok 2 out of three aint bad).

I was 38 when I was dating Laura. She had 2 little moogies:

<a href="http://s216.photobucket.com/user/zombie2000/media/sr001-1.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc285/zombie2000/sr001-1.jpg" border="0" alt=" photo sr001-1.jpg"/></a>

My shaddow was Damian. To him I was a god. The female human with the attitude was Kira. That was us a Starved Rock (although those rocks looked well fed to me since it took forever to climb them).

It was my first experience doing a parent-type-thing for a girl. We went to parks a lot. Most parks we could walk to. "Damian, wanna go to the park?"


"Ok, get your shoes." And he couldnt get them fast enough.

"Kira, wanna go to the park?"


"Ok, get your sandals"




"Yeah. So we can go to the park."


"You...wanna go to the park?"


"Ok...sandals. Orrrrr.....shoes?"


"You want to go barefoot?"


"Good. Because you cant. There may have been hobos breaking glass out there."


And heeeere came the 'why' questions. Thank goodness my ex came out of the bedroom (after 45 minutes she looked just the same as she did before. Grrr), and screamed "KIRA! GO GET YOUR DAMN SHOES!"

But .....I want to wear my sandals.

.....<---If that is a face, that was mine.

Point being; no matter what age, race, or species, women have their own language that men (spupid as we are) will never understand. I saw it between my dad and my sister. We men just go with the flow. Why else would a grown man let a little shit paint his lips:

<a href="http://s216.photobucket.com/user/zombie2000/media/lg001.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc285/zombie2000/lg001.jpg" border="0" alt=" photo lg001.jpg"/></a>


mood: amusedamused
04 June 2013 @ 09:15 am
mood: amusedamused
04 June 2013 @ 09:13 am
This is what you made me do:


Very pretty girl. Not really my type. Ok maybe if I was still in my early 30s. Just talked to her this morning. Fuck, she's even pretty when she first gets up. LOL

I still fucking hate her retarded vicious dogs. Damn Ceasar to Hell. I'd like to see how far I could kick that thing.
23 May 2013 @ 01:40 pm
.....meh. First off, I'm a male whore. I knew this years ago. One of my ex's called yesterday and accused me of being racist. Me? That's retarded! I never once said anyth......infact, she was the one that had a problem dating a white guy! WTF In fact, IF I were to think anything racist it would be that black girls are BORING in bed. I never told any of them but it's more true than racist.

I'll be 41 this year. It takes a lot more than just laying there to impress me. And like I said ....I'm a whore.

I'm trying not to be. But shit happens.

Anywho, hope ya'll are doing well.

PS it's my MY blog, so I can say shit fuck ass anal slut titfart cock cockhole. That is all. Thank you.
09 May 2013 @ 01:14 pm
...just shut up.
08 October 2012 @ 02:03 am
LOL and another LOL
location: guess
mood: sillysilly
music: Peaches - USA
26 October 2011 @ 09:45 pm
Edit: That post made no sense. Anywho, me and my cousin Stac the weekend before Halloween. :)

mood: annoyedannoyed
music: Open to suggesion.
25 September 2011 @ 12:21 pm
…it will give you the butt hole cancer. O_O
At least that must be the rumor going around. Anyway, I got this finished last week and it’s up for sale. I may have to go with an eBay account by using someone else’s bank account since eBay doesn’t allow transactions to be paid by money order anymore for some reason.

Pics from our trip to Starved Rock…Collapse )
location: out of line
mood: contentcontent
music: I forgot
17 July 2011 @ 04:42 am
I never NEVER want to hear “I have a pit bull and he’s sooooo gentile”. Fuck you, idiot. I keep hearing this over and over since last Tuesday. Thanks for the birthday wishes, but it became a shitty fucking day when I was repeatedly attacked by a dinosaur with fur. Ripped jeans, ripped flesh, fear, bite, run, bite, screaming, bite….hate.

After the ambulance dropped me off, I laid there in the ER with pain so terrible that I passed out. Then came the shots. One for tetanus and another was an antibiotic. I don’t mind needles, but the burning on top of the ripped flesh? I passed out again.

I was again wakened by a kiss. Laura was there. She was the ONLY one there for me. “Are you OK hun?”

‘No.’ I responded as I started to cry. ‘I told you I hate birthdays’, I said, laughing.

“Cant you ever be serious?”

Yeah, I can. Pit bulls (and most dogs) are dumb ass pieces of shit that should never be owned. Man made dogs are retarded. Don’t believe me? Hmm, how many domesticated dogs do you see in the wild? Humans made them and when they cant control them? They don’t understand why. Know you fucking animal and try to master it. Don’t project human emotions onto a beast.

I cant stand dogs that cant be kicked far away. That doesn’t mean I hate dog owners. Humans take offense if you hate dogs. Why? Because we are an egotistical race. “That’s my baby” I heard tonight. “I prefer big dogs” (that comment came from a chick annnnd I told myself not to make a sex joke).

I’m 5’8” and 160 pounds. That damnation of a creature attacked me…not to eat….to KILL. At least it was me and not a child….


Call me a hateful prick if you want, but tend to my cuts first.
location: pain
mood: angryangry
music: more pain