Five more months of probation and another 6 years of being known as a felon. You know who I have to blame for that? Me.
( I’m not locked in here with you…you’re locked in with me! )
Besides, even the most hardcore KKK member has to admit that black chicks are cute.

I parked the car and asked “Time?” My old roomate and buddy who was sitting in the passenger seat of my 96 Beretta responded with “9:42”. We were glad because that meant that Target would be open another 18 minutes. It was 1997 (or 96, fuck if I remember) and action figure hunting was our main goal.

This particular night, we didn’t even know what town we were in. We simply drove blindly in search of a store that might have that rare Spiderman figure (the Rhino), maybe the ultra rare Rouge figure from the X-Men, or ultimately a Spawn figure that was so underproduced that any true fan would have an arm surgically removed to own. The store had none of these things, so we had to figure out how to get home while cursing our bad luck.

( My Other Roomate Was a 6-foot Tall Cardboard Demon… )

I was gonna post about it, but it's just too too horrible to think about right now. I wish I had it in me to murder, but I dont, so I'll just keep it all inside and let it burn up my soul.

I punched him right in his stupid face. He being a retarded dog and he was interupting me talking to my girl. I tried to be nice, but he attemped to bite me, so I raised up my fist and hit him. OMG boys and girls; that felt so good. However, I made the mistake of posting about it on Facbook and I got 15 kinds of Hell.

Since when is punching dogs wrong? LOL I think I'll hit him again tomorrow. Trust me; he deserves it.

I was contacted by an old friend on the Facebook. It was funny because….
( Here’s The Part Where I Get Derailed… )

Hey! So that’s when one of my blue glasses went! :/


PS Note the gold teeth! Hahahahaaaaaa

...I can joke around here about being a cutter and post naked Nazi slut pictures without people giving me Hell over it. ...unlike Facebook.
There, I just get Hell. :/

Hey, the world is a sick place. I have not caused this, so dont blame me for enjoying the ride.

The post I was about to make was dumb. Fuck that post.
And fuck people who say “In this economy…”
Fuck bananas.
Fuck boredom.
Fuck barking squirrels.
Fuck Microsoft.
Fuck 4:48AM
Fuck thermostats.
Fuck Diet Pepsi.
Fuck gmail.
Fuck shoes (that’s a Dane Cook joke)
Fuck Dane Cook jokes.
Fuck cards you wanna throw out but feel bad if you did so you keep them in a little bin of other shit you want to throw away but don’t.
Fuck Trapper Keepers.
Fuck 4:49AM
Fuck the letter . See, it didn’t even type. X. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. There.
Fuck red markers.
Fuck nutrition facts.
Fuck people who you wave ‘hi’ to, but have never taken the time to talk to.
Fuck squash (both definitions).
Fuck digg.com
Fuck brainstorming.
Fuck candy corn.
Fuck trying to figure out what line to get into at the grocery store when you’re in a hurry.
Which reminds me of a story. See, one upon a time (that time being like 2002 I think) I was running late for work and stopped at Dominick's for a sammich. LOL @ Dominick's. Doesn’t that sound like where a dominatrix would do her grocery shopping? Hee hee h…anyway, there was this old lady ahead of me in line and she had like 37 coupons for 12 items, plus she was paying most of it with pennies and shit.

Fuck pennies.

I was in a rush, so I whipped out a 20 and held it up to the cashier. “Here, I got it”, I said (I just wanted her out of my way). The old lady was all “thank you kind sir. You really don’t have to do tha…” “Yes. Yes I do because I need out of here like, now.”

Then about 2 months ago, I was at Jewel (LOL Maybe that’s where Jews shop. Ok, Zombie, stop that) and I picked up something for dinner and to make a dessert which my child was ecstatic about. Considering we hadn’t eaten all day, I decided to save time by using the self-checkout thingie. However, I didn’t have an infamous Jewel card, so what should have been $8 or so, came out to be $3700.45 (Ummm, maybe that’s an exaggeration). Pissed, I tried to cancel the whole thing, since I didn’t want to take out a small loan for one fucking dinner. That’s when the damn light went off and the Jewel chick came rushing over. I explained that I didn’t have a card and want for to cancel…blah, blah, blah. “Well all you had to do was flag one of us down and we’ll use our card.

Me = *blank stare* Then what would be the purpose of using the self-checkout????

“Well sir, then maybe you need to get a Jewel card and that way you could take advantage of the sav….” “No. No no no no nooooo. I have limited pocket space. (the rest of this I did not say, but I was thinking). I know I have a great ass and to own a card for every place I want to shop would be a disservice to the beautification of man and woman-kind. That would be wrong.

I looked down at my hungry hungry hippo AKA my child and let the chick swipe her card for me. I simply didn’t want to go through the isles of another store. That would be just another step between us and our chicken sammiches with peanutbutter pie dessert.

Anyway, fuck shopping carts. That is all. Thank you.

( Here’s some tidbits because I felt like typing shit… )

One Last Thing We watched this movie last night. Too fucking awesome!

The Bible thumpers came today wanting to save my soul. No, you cant do that. You wanna know why? Because the world needs bad guys. If I wasn’t a criminal, how would ‘good’ people feel better about themselves? If I wasn’t stupid, how would smart people know that they’re smart???

There simply must MUST be bad people in this world or everything would be lame as fuck. I’m willing to be one of the bad peoples.

( …tied to a tree and kissed.  )

BTW, 10 points to whomever knows who this porn star is:

This may explain why I haven’t been posting lately. Hell, I may even regret posting this and rip it down…

My depression has been 5 kinds of insane lately. It all started at my last job. Those 2 damn machines they wanted me to run were 5000 years old (side note: don’t buy a Ford anytime soon. Transmission will go Pffffffffffft). It was chaos and I ended up being blamed for the machine’s fuck ups. I was also called stupid by 2 supervisors (I know I’m dumb; I do not need this pointed out) and a third asked me if I was on drugs. They hated me and weren’t secretive about it. I was verbally abused every night. I only lashed back a few times and wish I would have done so more. The anger would build to the point where I wanted to wipe their smirks off with a knife. This is a not civilized thought process.

I was told that I lasted the longest in that guys who had taken the job before me had lasted 1 day (and sometimes less) before quitting. Gee, ya’ THINK???????????? That wasn’t an option for me. I have a son who needs me to make money and divorce court threatening me to have a job; plus my ex-wife. I am a slave to so many people; it’s depressing to no end.

I’m not a good enough artist to land a creative job. I’ve tried many many times. I’m grateful when someone admires my art, but they aren’t the ones hiring. Speaking of art, I haven’t drawn anything in months. I feel broken. If it wasn’t for my family and my girl, I’d have wished a horrid death upon myself a long time ago.

I did my best is life and that wasn’t good enough. Soooo, I tried being bad for a while and that got costly. Life seems rather stagnant right now and it’s drained me creatively. I could go on and on, but I wont since I’m really sick of typing out my own bullshit. This is precious time I could be spending looking at amputee porn. I’ll try to be my funny and cute self next time I post. :)

LOL I dont even know what that means.

In other news, I tried the facebook thing. It's cool to see people and family members I havent thought about in years, but you're limited as far as posting. That kinda pissed me off. Anywho....meme time!

( And here we ….go )

( The Top 10 Deadly Resume Sins )

Job hunting sucks. I wish I was either well-hung or a chick. I’d just do porn.

I know some of ya’ll like to Twitter and the most common post is “O Hai!” But try using that shit IRL.

I was out smoking with my girl and I said “O Hai!”
( It gets annoying from here… )

I hear the train a comin'
It's rollin' 'round the bend,
And I ain't seen the sunshine,
Since, I don't know when,
I'm stuck in Folsom Prison,
And time keeps draggin' on,
But that train keeps a-rollin',
On down to San Antone.

When I was just a baby,
My Mama told me, "Son,
Always be a good boy,
Don't ever play with guns,"
But I shot a man in Reno,
Just to watch him die,
When I hear that whistle blowin',
I hang my head and cry.

I bet there's rich folks eatin',
In a fancy dining car,
They're probably drinkin' coffee,
And smokin' big cigars,
But I know I had it comin',
I know I can't be free,
But those people keep a-movin',
And that's what tortures me.

Well, if they freed me from this prison,
If that railroad train was mine,
I bet I'd move out over a little,
Farther down the line,
Far from Folsom Prison,
That's where I want to stay,
And I'd let that lonesome whistle,
Blow my Blues away.

Anger is the one emotion I rarely allow myself to express. It just feels wrong, so I hide it away; deep into my soul. Yesterday, it became too much to contain and I killed an old man. O_O

Ok, so I didn’t kill an old man, but I got mouthy as fuck. My fears got the best of me and the rage took over. In the back of my mind, I thought maybe getting it all out would offer some sense of relief, but really, it just left me feeling ….bleh. Plus I didn’t sleep, so I missed work. Not cool.

I type words and you read them, so essentially, I’m poking you in the eye…

My job schedule is on my nerves. I hate it. Plus, there’s the attitude I’ve noticed from my English-speaking coworkers. Plus I hate not sleeping at night, never having energy due to varying sleep, not being around LJ, the smell of machine coolant, and ….bleh. I caught myself saying, “but at least I have a job” once and I wanted to immediately slice off my tongue. That is a horribly depressing way to spend a third of your day; merely existing for someone else’s benefit even though you hate it. This, my friends, is why I look forward to starting college. In the meantime, there are moments of fun, such as visiting the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. :D

I planned to take about 5000 pics or so, but the camera was acting screwy, so there’s only a few.
( pics pics pics )

My job is easy. I mean, way easy. It’s a lazy-ass’ dream come true. Basically I watch a machine take a metal thing and make it into another metal thing all night until the morning. They’re parts for a transmission in a GMC thingamabob. Once they’re done, 3 Mexican women who speak varying levels of English wipe them down and place them in a box for shipping. It’s so exciting I could yawn. Can’t really complain though, since it’s a lot like my old job, only without the bullshit.

Surprisingly, I’m getting several job offers. One in particular I’m excited about. I just got an email from a sign shop that I contacted months ago. That would be awesome. :D

More awesome than that is the appointment I set up today with an educational counselor at the local college. It’s an all female school, so I had to cross-dress in order to be accepted. Zany, cheesy 80s movie antics will ensue. Ok, seriously I’m really hyped about this though. I’d been waiting for the right time to return to school and one day the thought hit my hard enough that I knew the time is now.

With everything going on, does anyone know of a way to never sleep? I mean, aside from mass amounts of cocaine?